As a wedding celebrant here in the vibrant heart of London, I have the immense privilege of witnessing countless beautiful love stories unfold. One of the most common questions I get asked, and one of the most rewarding parts of my job, is helping couples craft their wedding vows. There’s something truly magical about speaking your heartfelt promises directly to the person you love most in the world.
While traditional vows hold a timeless beauty, more and more couples are opting to write their own – and for good reason! Your vows are the beating heart of your ceremony, a chance to truly express your unique journey, your deepest feelings, and the specific promises you want to make to each other. They’re a personal snapshot of your love, right here, right now.
But I hear you – the blank page can feel incredibly daunting! Where do you even begin? Fear not, my wonderful couples! I’ve put together my top tips, gleaned from years of guiding lovebirds through this very process, to help you write vows that are as authentic and unique as your love story.
Start writing your vows early and do not panic!
This isn’t an essay for school, and there’s no right or wrong answer. The most important thing is that your vows come from the heart. Give yourselves plenty of time. I recommend starting to brainstorm a few months before the wedding. This allows you to chip away at them, revisit them with fresh eyes, and avoid last-minute stress. Remember, perfection isn’t the goal; authenticity is.
Brainstorm as a couple together but write your vows separately
It can be incredibly helpful to have a joint brainstorming session first. For example, talk about your favourite memories. What are the standout moments in your relationship? The first date, a funny anecdote, a challenging time you overcame together. Think about what you love mostabout each other.Is it their infectious laugh? Their unwavering support? The way they make you feel safe? Discuss what marriage means to you both.What are your shared values and aspirations for your life together? Think about the future together. What promises do you want to make for the years to come?
Once you’ve had this chat, go off and write your individual vows. The beauty of separate writing is that it allows for genuine surprise and a true reflection of your personal perspective.
Reflect and Remember
Before you even think about putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard!), take some time to truly reflect on your relationship. How did you meet? What was your “aha!” moment? When did you know this was “the one”? What challenges have you overcome together and how have they made your bond stronger? What inside jokes or quirks define your relationship? How has your partner changed you for the better?
These reflections will provide a rich well of material for your vows.
Structure your wedding vows (a simple framework)
While freedom is key, a little structure can prevent rambling. Here’s a simple framework I often suggest:
- Acknowledge your partner and your love: Start with a heartfelt opening. “My dearest [Partner’s Name],” or “My love,”
- Share a memory or anecdote: A short story or reflection about your journey together. This adds personal flavour.
- Express your feelings: Tell them why you love them, what they mean to you, and how they make you feel.
- Make your promises: This is the core! Be specific and actionable.
- Conclude with a forward-looking statement: A beautiful declaration about your future together.
Be specific, be real, be YOU when writing your vows
This is perhaps my most important tip. Generic vows sound… well, generic! Your vows should sound like you.
For example, instead of writing “I promise to love you forever.” Try writing “I promise to love you, even when you leave your socks on the floor, and to always remind you how incredible you are, even when you doubt yourself.”
See the difference? The specific details make it unique and memorable. Don’t be afraid to show your personality – whether that’s humour, poetic flair, or quiet sincerity.
Keep your vows concise (but not too short!)
Aim for around 1-2 minutes of speaking time per person. This usually translates to about 200-300 words. It’s long enough to be meaningful but short enough to hold everyone’s attention and for you to remember! Practice reading them aloud to get the timing right.
Read your vows out loud
Once you have a draft, read your vows aloud. Do they flow well? Do they sound like you? Are there any tongue-twisters? This is also a good way to check the timing. If you stumble, rephrase!
Don’t be afraid of emotion when writing your vows
This is your wedding day! It’s okay to get teary, to laugh, to feel overwhelmed with love. Let your emotions shine through. Your guests will appreciate the genuine vulnerability.
Consider a wedding Celebrant’s input (I am happy to help!)
As a celebrant, I’ve read a lot of vows! I can offer guidance on structure, tone, and flow. I can also help ensure that your vows complement each other without being too similar or repetitive. Think of me as your personal vow editor and cheerleader! I can review your drafts, offer suggestions, and help you polish them so they truly shine on your big day.
The Big Day: Delivering Your Vows
Practice, but don’t memorise word-for-word. It’s great to have them close to memorised, but it’s even better to have them written down on a beautiful vow card. This takes the pressure off and allows you to truly connect with your partner rather than trying to recall every single word.
Take deep breaths and speak slowly and clearly. Make eye contact with your partner. This is for them, and the connection will be palpable. Embrace the momentas this is one of the most intimate and powerful moments of your ceremony. Soak it all in.
Writing your own vows is a personal journey
Writing your own vows is an incredibly personal and rewarding journey. It’s a chance to articulate the depths of your love and set the tone for your marriage. Remember, there are no strict rules, just heartfelt intentions. By following these tips, I’m confident you’ll create vows that are not only memorable but truly reflect the unique and beautiful love story that brought you here today.
However, if you’re feeling stuck, and would like a friendly wedding celebrant to guide you, you know where to find me! Happy writing!
Your London Wedding Celebrant
Tríona x